Ever felt stuck on what to text someone you're dating? You're not alone. Take Carolina, who, after a few dates, felt things were stalling. Instead of endlessly polling her friends, she turned to ChatGPT, asking it to draft a message that was the perfect blend of interested but not too intense. She’s part of a rapidly growing trend, especially among Gen Z, who are using artificial intelligence as a modern-day relationship advisor.
Your Personal AI Wingman
The numbers are staggering. The latest Singles in America study revealed a 333% increase in singles using AI to navigate their love lives. Nearly a quarter of those surveyed admitted to using AI to improve their relationships. So, what's the appeal?
For many, like 27-year-old Carolina, it’s about having a safe space. “Telling an AI something is doing it from a safe place. It won’t judge you and will give you a more neutral and open perspective,” she explains. This digital confidant can help draft messages, rehearse tough conversations, or even build a more appealing dating profile. But users like Carolina are clear: the AI gives advice, but the final decision is always human.
Interestingly, while many use it to start conversations, only a small fraction (7% of all singles, 16% of Gen Z) use it for the difficult task of ending things, like rejecting a second date.
From Advisor to Partner: A Blurring Line
The use of AI in romance is evolving beyond simple advice. A more startling finding from the study is that 16% of people have interacted with a chatbot as a romantic or sexual partner. Apps like Character AI and Replika allow users to create bespoke virtual companions, tailored to their every preference.
Psychologist Amanda Gesselman, a co-author of the study, notes that a significant number of users report their AI companion provides more emotional support (44%) and even more sexual pleasure (36%) than a human partner. This phenomenon is often seen as a response to the “loneliness epidemic,” a growing sense of social isolation exacerbated by the pandemic. Eugenia Kuyda, the founder of Replika, created the app after noticing people were using her customer service bots simply to vent and find companionship.
The Hidden Costs of Digital Connection
While AI might seem like a balm for loneliness, experts are cautious. “What concerns me is that this digital shift doesn’t seem to have improved our levels of loneliness,” says Kerry McInerney, a researcher at the University of Cambridge. She argues that while leaning on AI can be a temporary fix, it doesn't help build the real-world relationships and communities we need to thrive.
Linguist Naomi Baron warns that over-reliance on AI could cause our real-world social skills to atrophy. “Social skills are like learning a language: if you don’t practice them, they’re lost,” she says. We risk getting too comfortable with the controlled, predictable nature of AI interaction, making messy, spontaneous human connection feel even more daunting.
AI in the Trenches of Long-Term Relationships
It’s not just for singles. People in committed relationships are also turning to AI. Carlos, a 27-year-old father, uses ChatGPT to prepare for difficult conversations with his girlfriend or to process his thoughts after an argument. “It helps me anticipate certain situations... to calm myself down. It’s given me the right words at the right time, to the point of being moved to tears,” he admits. Some couples are even using AI as a mutually-agreed-upon mediator, with new tools like ConflictLens being developed specifically to help couples navigate disagreements.
However, Baron suggests a better role for AI would be as a “traffic cop” rather than a ghostwriter. Instead of rewriting your message, it could prompt you: “Did you mean to sound aggressive? Wait three minutes.” This encourages self-reflection rather than artificial communication.
The Great Paradox
Herein lies the contradiction: we use AI to improve our own romantic communications but feel it's dishonest when others do the same. The Singles in America study found that 61% of people believe someone should disclose if they used AI to craft their profile or messages. This unease points to a deeper fear: that AI could replace genuine connection entirely.
A recent study by OpenAI and MIT Media Lab found that users who interacted with a voice-based chatbot of the opposite gender experienced a significant increase in loneliness and emotional dependency after just four weeks. Perhaps the true potential of these tools, as McInerney suggests, is not to be our partners, but to help us identify what we’re missing so we can find it in the real world.
Key Takeaways
- AI as a Dating Tool: A growing number of singles, particularly Gen Z, use AI for dating advice, from drafting texts to building profiles.
- A Safe Space: Users value AI for its non-judgmental, neutral perspective, which can feel safer than sharing with friends.
- The Rise of AI Companions: Some are turning to AI chatbots as romantic partners to combat loneliness, raising questions about the nature of connection.
- Expert Warnings: Specialists worry that over-reliance on AI could erode real-world social skills and may not be a sustainable solution for loneliness.
- Real-World Focus: The ultimate goal should be to use insights gained from AI to enhance our real-life relationships, not to replace them.